I have a job for this summer tutoring two days a week. It isn't going to add immense amounts to our income, but I miss teaching, and sometimes I yearn for some other purpose to my life other than being a mom. The thing is that I've always been career-driven. I have always wanted to be a teacher (other than my brief aspirations to become a Broadway actress, a psychologist, and a writer). I went directly from four years at boarding school to college, where I worked my butt off far more than the average college student, and decided to stay (what the hell!) at BC for my masters degree in education too. Then, I came out to Colorado because of a job, worked four years, found Ty and got married in between there, and now I have a baby. Then... I'm raising a baby... which is very rewarding and wonderful in so many ways, but my brain is going to complete mush. Needless to say, I am thrilled to be going back to tutoring since I enjoy it so much.
Now enters the conundrum of appropriate childcare. Brody has been in a daycare centersince February. It is a center a friend of mine runs, so I went in blindly and pushed to get him in so he would have some socialization time. I also took some paralegal courses to keep my mind busy when he was in one day/week. Now it's almost the end of May, and Brody still hasn't adjusted. I still get questions from the teachers about how to calm him down... and he bawls and clings to me whenever I bring him in there and he sees his teacher. So now begins the search for a potential new daycare.
Brody is the kind of kid I would have labeled having possible sensory integration issues as a teacher. (I hope it's just the age, but the teacher side of me sometimes questions it). He doesn't like a lot of noise or chaos, and he prefers to play independently (usually). So I've been looking into at home daycares with smaller teacher/kid ratios in hopes that will fit him better than a daycare with many kids.
Option #1 that I went to today was an in-home daycare with (presently) three 3-year olds. The woman who runs it was lovely, but she's also getting 2 full-time newborns in the next month. Brody warmed up to the kids easily (he even tried to give one little girl a kiss by leaning in real slowly with his tongue sticking out...he's such a romantic already!), but didn't seem to have any connection with the woman who runs it. It's also kind of in a sketchy, 1970s house, but I'm sure that has nothing to do with this woman's ability to raise children. We go to look at another one tomorrow, which sounds more promising.
After we left Option #1, I was struck with the realization that I might never find a good enough place for Brody. I was lucky enough to have a stay-at-home mom and a nanny who raised me together until I was a teenager, but nannying isn't really an economic option right now for us. So then I'm thinking how selfish this whole endeavor is! Most of my friends who have kids would kill to be able to be home with their child, and I'm just trying to find a way to get out. Well, not get out entirely, but just 2-3 days a week, to do something that makes me feel like I'm not wasting all my education and my passion for teaching. The question of the day is, "Am I ever going to feel comfortable with a daycare?"
I applied for a job last night that I want desperately. It's a 3 days/week job teaching writing and reading (my favorites!!!) to fifth and sixth graders. I'm just praying that God shows me what to do in this whole situation (i.e. if I'm meant to stay home with him or to get a job).
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Turning into a Toddler
Last weekend, Ty and I went to my ten year high school reunion. It was fun--and I had a few too many drinks resulting in a very hungover plane ride home--but it was really nice to get away, see some old friends, and have some quality time with my husband. Of course, I missed Brody terribly!
When we got home on Sunday, we picked him up and went to our local pizza place for dinner. After not being told "no" in four days, he was a terror at the restaurant. (I don't know why we thought he would all of a sudden be fun to bring to a restaurant....how absence makes us forget!) He was throwing food on the floor, and Ty and I kept telling him no firmly. After one time I said, "no," loudly enough to warrant gazes from our table neighbors, he looked me straight in the eye and responded,"yes." The thing is that Brody doesn't talk yet. He says dada and mama once in a while (he babbles all day; I'm referring to him making the word connection that I am mama and Ty is dada). Needless to say, he doesn't quite say real words. Now I think he's been fooling us! He is so defiant; I am anxious for the terrible two's!
When we got home on Sunday, we picked him up and went to our local pizza place for dinner. After not being told "no" in four days, he was a terror at the restaurant. (I don't know why we thought he would all of a sudden be fun to bring to a restaurant....how absence makes us forget!) He was throwing food on the floor, and Ty and I kept telling him no firmly. After one time I said, "no," loudly enough to warrant gazes from our table neighbors, he looked me straight in the eye and responded,"yes." The thing is that Brody doesn't talk yet. He says dada and mama once in a while (he babbles all day; I'm referring to him making the word connection that I am mama and Ty is dada). Needless to say, he doesn't quite say real words. Now I think he's been fooling us! He is so defiant; I am anxious for the terrible two's!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
This too shall pass?
One of the most interesting things I've found in all my 365ish days of motherly experience is how once you feel you have something down, it changes. This comes in many forms, but sleep keeps being the reoccurring one in our lives.
Thanks to the book On Becoming Babywise, Brody was a great sleeper fairly early (6-8 weeks?) albeit a setback at 5 months and another when he was sick from too much cake on his first birthday. He has slept from 7:30-7:00 for most of his 13 months of life, which was amazing. We became so accustomed to this schedule that we (ok, mainly I) became spoiled. We'd get to watch a movie after he went to bed and then I slept in until 7 or so. But in the past month or so, this pattern has been upset. We now put him down around 7 PM, he squirms and talks to himself until 8, and then he wakes up between 5:45 and 6:15. This wouldn't be a big deal except (a) I am not a morning person in the least and (b) he is an absolute nightmare come 7:30 or 8 AM, which is way too early for a first nap!
So then comes what I like to call "the major decision." Do we change something until we fix it? (In this case, do we put him down later? Earlier? Change his nap schedule? Leave him in his crib longer in the morning?) Or do we just let it be and hope it passes?
I once said (or, probably more accurately, heard elsewhere and now claim it as my own), "Raising children is a science experiment gone wrong." Now before you go blasting me for being a mother who thinks her child is a mere scientific experiment, hear me out... In a carefully controlled science experiment (thank you Intro to Bio), you change each variable until you get the desired result... or something like that (no, I'm nowhere near a scientist nor will I ever be). But with a child, a human subject nonetheless, you don't have the time, patience, or energy to isolate each and every variable until you find the exact mixture/compound/thing that works! And then when you do find whatever works, something else changes. I hear this sort of pattern does not stop until...the child is 18? Ah... motherhood
Thanks to the book On Becoming Babywise, Brody was a great sleeper fairly early (6-8 weeks?) albeit a setback at 5 months and another when he was sick from too much cake on his first birthday. He has slept from 7:30-7:00 for most of his 13 months of life, which was amazing. We became so accustomed to this schedule that we (ok, mainly I) became spoiled. We'd get to watch a movie after he went to bed and then I slept in until 7 or so. But in the past month or so, this pattern has been upset. We now put him down around 7 PM, he squirms and talks to himself until 8, and then he wakes up between 5:45 and 6:15. This wouldn't be a big deal except (a) I am not a morning person in the least and (b) he is an absolute nightmare come 7:30 or 8 AM, which is way too early for a first nap!
So then comes what I like to call "the major decision." Do we change something until we fix it? (In this case, do we put him down later? Earlier? Change his nap schedule? Leave him in his crib longer in the morning?) Or do we just let it be and hope it passes?
I once said (or, probably more accurately, heard elsewhere and now claim it as my own), "Raising children is a science experiment gone wrong." Now before you go blasting me for being a mother who thinks her child is a mere scientific experiment, hear me out... In a carefully controlled science experiment (thank you Intro to Bio), you change each variable until you get the desired result... or something like that (no, I'm nowhere near a scientist nor will I ever be). But with a child, a human subject nonetheless, you don't have the time, patience, or energy to isolate each and every variable until you find the exact mixture/compound/thing that works! And then when you do find whatever works, something else changes. I hear this sort of pattern does not stop until...the child is 18? Ah... motherhood
Monday, May 9, 2011
The Case of the Missing Shoe
It's amazing how much more crucial the finding of missing belongings becomes when you have a kid. I am already quite a forgetful person; I lose things all the time, and, compared to my husband (he's really clean), it frustrates me but I've learned to deal.
Fast forward to Saturday...we went for a bike ride on our new bikes (trailer for Brody), and I put on his new Keen sandals. I found them at Everyday Outfitters in Eagle and couldn't resist buying them, despite the $40 price tag. Now the boy already had several pair of shoes, but he needed some sandals for the summer (right?). When we got home, I was exhausted and sat on the couch. Now I remember Brody walking around playing with his new sandals but had no idea where he had put one of them. I looked all over the place, thinking to myself, "Where would a one year old put a sandal?" The toilet? Nope. The shower? Nope. Behind any door in our house? Nope. In the cabinet he likes to play in? Nope. Couldn't find the sandal anywhere! Today I'm putting his toys away and, alas, the missing shoe was under his drum! I wonder why he thought that would be an optimal place...
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