The Search for the Ultimate Daycare

I have a job for this summer tutoring two days a week. It isn't going to add immense amounts to our income, but I miss teaching, and sometimes I yearn for some other purpose to my life other than being a mom. The thing is that I've always been career-driven. I have always wanted to be a teacher (other than my brief aspirations to become a Broadway actress, a psychologist, and a writer). I went directly from four years at boarding school to college, where I worked my butt off far more than the average college student, and decided to stay (what the hell!) at BC for my masters degree in education too. Then, I came out to Colorado because of a job, worked four years, found Ty and got married in between there, and now I have a baby. Then... I'm raising a baby... which is very rewarding and wonderful in so many ways, but my brain is going to complete mush. Needless to say, I am thrilled to be going back to tutoring since I enjoy it so much.

Now enters the conundrum of appropriate childcare. Brody has been in a  daycare centersince February. It is a center a friend of mine runs, so I went in blindly and pushed to get him in so he would have some socialization time. I also took some paralegal courses to keep my mind busy when he was in one day/week. Now it's almost the end of May, and Brody still hasn't adjusted. I still get questions from the teachers about how to calm him down... and he bawls and clings to me whenever I bring him in there and he sees his teacher. So now begins the search for a potential new daycare.

Brody is the kind of kid I would have labeled having possible sensory integration issues as a teacher. (I hope it's just the age, but the teacher side of me sometimes questions it). He doesn't like a lot of noise or chaos, and he prefers to play independently (usually). So I've been looking into at home daycares with smaller teacher/kid ratios in hopes that will fit him better than a daycare with many kids.

Option #1 that I went to today was an in-home daycare with (presently) three 3-year olds. The woman who runs it was lovely, but she's also getting 2 full-time newborns in the next month. Brody warmed up to the kids easily (he even tried to give one little girl a kiss by leaning in real slowly with his tongue sticking out...he's such a romantic already!), but didn't seem to have any connection with the woman who runs it. It's also kind of in a sketchy, 1970s house, but I'm sure that has nothing to do with this woman's ability to raise children. We go to look at another one tomorrow, which sounds more promising.

After we left Option #1, I was struck with the realization that I might never find a good enough place for Brody. I was lucky enough to have a stay-at-home mom and a nanny who raised me together until I was a teenager, but nannying isn't really an economic option right now for us. So then I'm thinking how selfish this whole endeavor is! Most of my friends who have kids would kill to be able to be home with their child, and I'm just trying to find a way to get out. Well, not get out entirely, but just 2-3 days a week, to do something that makes me feel like I'm not wasting all my education and my passion for teaching. The question of the day is, "Am I ever going to feel comfortable with a daycare?"

I applied for a job last night that I want desperately. It's a 3 days/week job teaching writing and reading (my favorites!!!) to fifth and sixth graders. I'm just praying that God shows me what to do in this whole situation (i.e. if I'm meant to stay home with him or to get a job).